If you are contemplating ending a relationship, keep reading. Especially if you are new to relationships or are in your first long term relationship.
When you feel like the sparks are gone, are they really? Or has your relationship transitioned into a new phase? People often have “butterflies” when they start relationships because it is new and exciting. While this can be referred to as the honeymoon phase, it lasts for different lengths of time for everyone. Just because you don’t get the same butterflies, doesn’t mean your relationship is done. It usually just means you have entered the next phase of your relationship where you have different needs.
Do you feel like your conflicts are stuck in a vicious cycle? Or are you not understanding your core differences? Research has shown that about 70% of relationship conflicts are repeats. This means that in most relationships, the arguments are fundamentally the same and often about the same topics. Conflict is normal, especially if they are coming from a difference of personality or lifestyles. It only matters how you both handle the conflict, how you discuss the issues, and how you work together to resolve them.
Are you not getting what you need from the relationship? Or are you not telling your partner what it is you need from them? Oftentimes, people expect their partners to know how to love them and what they need. This is not the case. No one is able to read each other’s minds. We grew up differently and viewed relationships in different styles. You will be disappointed if you assume your partner knows everything you need all the time. This is where communication comes into play. Asking them for what you need is a much better way to help each other.
Do you feel distant from them? Or have you stopped making time for each other and the relationship? You often hear that relationships require work, and they do. But the work should be paying attention to details, planning things, being intentional with your words and actions, learning your partner’s love language and understanding how to give that to them. Checking in on your partner and making time for them are simple ways that can bring you closer together and keep that distant feeling away.
Are you unhappy with your partner/relationship? Or are you unhappy with other aspects of your life? There are many things that can play a part in your personal life that affect your mood. These factors can be depression, anxiety, life transitions, financial problems, etc. Sometimes they translate into our relationships. If you find you are struggling with some of these, try talking to your partner about what is going on and how you would like them to help you through it.
Understand that your friends, family, therapist, etc. can all give you support, however, only you will know where you stand in your relationship. If you know in your heart that you are no longer happy, it is not fair to you or your partner to continue the relationship. Some people are simply not meant to be and that’s okay. Eventually, everyone will find their person.