Are You Gaslighting Yourself?

According to the Oxford dictionary, gaslighting means:

Manipulating (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity. The abuser tries to twist others’ sense of reality. A common example of gaslighting is when someone does something abusive and then denies that it ever happened. 

But did you know that you can gaslight yourself? When something is said or done that hurts your feelings, our initial reaction is to feel upset. Then, some people instinctively think, “I’m being dramatic- it’s not that big of a deal.” This is a problem because we don’t give ourselves time to understand that our emotions are valid! 

A few signs you are gaslighting yourself are; you belittle yourself/thoughts/feelings, you doubt your memory of how something happened, you blame yourself, you doubt yourself, you question your judgement, you apologize more than you need to, you wonder what’s wrong with you, you assume everyone is disappointed in you, you have a hard time making decisions, and so many more. 

Below are some comparisons of what external gaslighting may look like and what internal gaslighting may look like. Either type of gaslighting will cause negative thoughts towards yourself and the situation. What’s important is knowing how to reverse that mindset and turn the negative thoughts into positive self-affirmations.

The next time you begin self-gaslighting, try to take a step back and look at the big picture. Your emotions and thoughts are completely valid and you have a right to be hurt or upset. Once you can acknowledge this, it’ll be easier for you to take an approach towards a solution.

Reversing a Negative Mindset

At some point, everyone has to deal with negativity in their life. What’s important is knowing how to reverse a negative mindset. 

When you are consistently making negative comments or viewing things in a negative manner, it is hard for the people around you to stay positive. Unknowingly, your negativity will drain others of their positive energy and before you know it, everyone around you is being negative too. It’s a ripple effect. 

Research done by Stanford University shows that a positive attitude towards a subject is linked to higher achievement in that subject. When you think more positively it leads to improved functioning in your brain’s memory center. You can use this to have a positive attitude towards other areas of your life.

“Keep my word positive. Words become my behaviors. Keep my behaviors positive. Behaviors become my habits. Keep my habits positive. Habits become my values. Keep my values positive. Values become my destiny.”

Mahatma Gandhi

For every negative thought and/or statement, make yourself have 2 positive ones. If something negative happens, there are still positive things that can come from it. 

For example: if you lose your job, it may be hard right away and negatively impact your life but there are positives that can come from it such as having a chance for a fresh start, forcing you out of your comfort zone, finding a better job, etc. This is how you can create opportunities for yourself.

Remember, nothing is completely negative- sometimes you just need to look for the positives in a negative. When you learn to reframe your mind and look for the positives, it becomes easier to handle negative situations. There will always be things you cannot control. In these situations, look for the things you can control. Everything always works out the way it is supposed to. 

First Day of Fall

As you know, yesterday was the first official day of fall. The weather is getting cooler, it is getting dark earlier in the evening, and leaves are beginning to fall. As it continues to get closer to some of the best holidays, here are some fall activities you can do:

  • Apple picking
  • Pumpkin patch
  • Hayrides
  • Corn maze
  • Road trip to see the fall colors
  • Hiking
  • Picnic 
  • Go camping
  • Stay at a cabin
  • Go on a bike ride 
  • Start a new book
  • Have a bonfire
  • Make fall foods such as caramel apples or anything with pumpkins
  • Visit a brewery or winery
  • Learn new crockpot recipes
  • Go to a haunted house

If you have any other must-do fall activities, let us know in the comments!

How to Get Through Mondays

Start by preparing on Sunday. Get your clothes picked out for the following morning, complete your weekend tasks so they aren’t delayed into Monday, and go to bed early. 

Wake up a few minutes earlier than normal and don’t go back to sleep. 

Start your day by drinking water.

Eat some breakfast- even if you are not a breakfast person you can still make a smoothie or something light to get your body going.

Fill out your calendar to start planning for the week

Dress for success- there is a saying “look good, feel good” for a reason. 

Start thinking about plans for the upcoming weekend to have something to look forward to.

Complete some of your easier tasks first.

Take breaks throughout the day to help keep you motivated.

Treat yourself to a coffee on your way to work or order some lunch. 

Be positive and have fun at work.

Job vs. Career

There are many differences between having a job and having a career. My opinion is that a job is something you do to make money, whereas a career is long-term and something you invest your time and energy into. You build towards your career and try to keep leveling up towards an end goal. A career, since it is long-term, is hopefully something you enjoy doing that will keep you engaged and satisfied.

Something to keep in mind is that even if you love your job or career, it shouldn’t define you. It should motivate you in all areas of your life. For example, you can love your job or career and still maintain other interests such as traveling, helping others, etc. Keeping up with your outside interests will help you see things in different ways, which could help translate into better insight with your job. 

Self Improvement Month

September is self improvement month. It is important to understand that you can accept and love who you are and still want to improve certain aspects of yourself. Here are some examples of self improvement:

  • Positive self talk
  • Reflect
  • Identify areas to improve on
  • Research what you want to improve
  • Be honest with yourself
  • Write down your goals and how you will achieve them
  • Accept the past and learn from it
  • Accept failure and learn from it
  • Try random acts of kindness
  • Learn something new
  • Improve current habits/quit bad habits
  • Find a routine and commit to it
  • Work on your emotions
  • Increase your focus
  • Remove toxic people from your life
  • Find a mentor
  • Limit your social media use
  • Get enough sleep
  • Adjust your diet
  • Drink more water
  • Find like-minded people to surround yourself with
  • Learn to love yourself

How to Stay Healthy this Fall

As the weather begins to change it is important to change with it. Fall is associated with cooler weather, leaves falling, and of course, seasonal colds. Here are some ways to stay healthy this fall:

  1. Take vitamins, especially C & D, to help prevent seasonal colds
  2. Get your yearly check-up
  3. Make sure you are up to date with your shots- including a flu shot
  4. Eat foods containing nutrients that help boost your immune system
  5. Keep your skin moisturized 
  6. Stay active by raking leaves, going for hikes, pumpkin and apple picking, going to a corn maze, etc.
  7. Visit a fall farmer’s market to get fresh, in-season produce such as vegetables (pumpkin, sweet potatoes), whole grains, and fresh fruits (apples)
  8. Partake in fall cleaning- sanitizing can help prevent seasonal colds as well as helping your mental health
  9. Take time to yourself when needed 
  10.  Remember to keep your physical AND mental health a priority

Meditation

Here’s how to start:

  1. Choose a calm environment
  2. Wear comfortable clothes
  3. Decide how long you will meditate for- I recommend 5 minutes for beginners
  4. Stretch 
  5. Get in a comfortable position
  6. Close your eyes or focus on an object
  7. Focus on your breathing- start by taking deep breaths
  8. Asses your thoughts and energy
  9. Reflect
  10.  Focus on your purpose for meditating

Remember that meditation is a practice- it is not an end goal. Use it as a tool to help you achieve a healthier mind.

Building Your Confidence

At some point in our lives, many of us struggle with having confidence. Everyone has different ways of building their confidence and mine was using the “fake it until you make it” approach. I started by doing the things below- even if I didn’t truly believe them.

  • Don’t compare yourself to others- no one has the same life as you. You are made to be different from others and you will have a different timeline than other people in their lives.
  • Look at everything you have already achieved- from small accomplishments to big ones, you have already achieved a lot. Think about classes you have done well in, friendships you’ve had, promotions you’ve received, etc. All of these are accomplishments in your life and something you should be proud of.
  • Think of your strengths and talents- everyone is good at something. Think about the things you like to do that you are good at! Start doing those things more and it will help you feel a sense of accomplishment and pride.
  • Take care of your body- this doesn’t mean just exercise, although that wouldn’t hurt, this means taking care of your body overall. Take showers/baths, drink water, eat good food, wash your face, etc. All of these things will help you look and feel good!
  • Practice positive self talk- stop saying negative things to and about yourself. Is there always room for improvement? Yes. But it is how you think about improvement that is key. Look at it like you are wanting to get even better and become a better version of yourself rather than thinking you need to be better.
  • Detoxify your social media- remove things from your feed that don’t make you happy or don’t make you feel good. I used to follow a lot of celebrities and influencers which made me feel like I wasn’t good enough because I didn’t look like them, go on vacations like them, eat like them, etc. Once I removed them from my feed, I stopped having those self doubts.

One day, I didn’t feel like I was faking it anymore. I genuinely felt more confident in myself. It can be a long process to gain confidence but it leads to a happier life which is absolutely worth it.

Stretching

Stretching is essential to living an overall healthy life. It has so many benefits and can be such an easy, low-impact activity. Some benefits of stretching are:

  • Keeping muscles flexible and strong
  • Can relieve pain
  • Increases range of motion
  • Decreases stress
  • Boosts Energy
  • Helps you burn calories at a faster rate
  • Improves posture
  • Stretching before bed helps your body rejuvenate while sleeping
  • Can help you avoid muscle spasms

There are many other benefits associated with stretching, but these are some of the top reasons why I recommend stretching. I stretch before bed, when I wake up, and frequently throughout the day. If you work a desk job like me, it is essential that you take breaks to walk around and stretch during the day.